3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
