I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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