Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my sisters under your porch take her home
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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