saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
