That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
