i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
