I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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