Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
