i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
