last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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