Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
