O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
