So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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