I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This baby is an asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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