I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
