My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
