His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
