weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
