Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
