was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
