You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
