No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
