If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
