Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
