she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
