i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
