I've blown a few things in my day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
