There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
