i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
