I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
