Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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