I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
