There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
