I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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