is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
