Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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