please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
