I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
