What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
