Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
