Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
