I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize