Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
