We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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