I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
