i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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