I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
