I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
