Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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