Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
