That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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