Already got asked if we're dating
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
