Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
